I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So much Jack, so little girl.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
