I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize