Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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