Pants 0. Shit 1.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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