she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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