I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we made out on top of his cat.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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