he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
