rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
