i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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