yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
