just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
