kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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