I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
