it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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