Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
