small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
