if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
