I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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