put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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