Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
either way he was missing a nipple.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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