he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
