I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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