ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
