i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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