I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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