in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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