i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
handjob tips. give me some.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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