Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How does one acquire holy water?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
