why do cheetos always look like penises
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
