Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My penis needs a shock collar
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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