so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This house was built for laser tag.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My feet surprised me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
