Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
