my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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