Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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