i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
