What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
