2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
