I'm going to jail i love you
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
