so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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