Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
