you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
