Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
