Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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