why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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