i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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