I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
