I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
