Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
