i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
