I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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