mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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