But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
