It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
