i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
