Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
