i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
