Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
