This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
