So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
