Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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