It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's official drugs can't kill me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
