My girlfriend figured out who you are.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
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