positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
