u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
