under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
