please come you make the beer taste better
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
