Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
