I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
