I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
