I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
