he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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