it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
