theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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