whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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