Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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