she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
