You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
