I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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