Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
