last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my poor anus
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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