you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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