i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
