It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
