He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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