it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
