This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
