So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
