I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
