Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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