Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize