im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
