I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize