member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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