went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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