My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
