you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
