the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
