So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
