I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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