As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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