wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
