and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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