If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
