I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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