Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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