Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
