i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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