is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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