I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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