It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So many bounce houses so little time
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You did what with his pubic hair?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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