He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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