he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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